The Value of Apologizing

One of the most ridiculous words recently invented is “selfie.” The dawn of the selfie is a sad reflection of how disconnected consumer society is from reflecting on actual human development, mirroring karmic imperative from the moment and for one another. I began this post while seeking money through an Indiegogo crowdfunding campaign for the novel Other Wise, looking forward to my engagement with technology being over, taking a break from the internet, social media and time wasted on screens. I failed to send thank you packages to my donors, because I became a revolving door mental case for the six subsequent years, until now. Who landed me there? Inpatient care costs a lot, so I would like to say sorry.

Is it wrong to publish call names? I created this video in the name of beauty, but in hindsight it is the result of addiction, sharing the tail of ‘Windhorse’ before crashing. Visions, seen before by many, will return me to blinding dullness again. My wish was to create something heartfelt, as a thank you gift to those of you who believe in renunciation so far. Thank you for believing me and supporting my work, disagreeing with genocide, population control.

I am sorry for being male, while a female, but white, and delusional. Men have sharp minds, and women have tender bodies. Or is it in reverse? I apologize for being lazy and sitting in front of a screen, not playing my part. I am sorry for using a credit card, and dawdling online, when I should be gardening. I am sorry for having a retirement account, not knowing where the chains jangle. I am sorry for mooching off the system, for associating sacred things, like colors, with labels. I am sorry for judging people with kids. I am sorry for not using my sewing machine instead of purchasing clothes. I am sorry for buying paint. I am sorry for not not stringing the cello. I am sorry for imposters, for being fake, for being an addict. I am sorry for my mother and my brother who have to worry about whether or not I will take my meds, if my behavior stresses them out. I am sorry for not being more like them. I am sorry for publishing.

My torture post was edited last night, without my permission, so I posted the given words, out of fear. I am sorry  for wanting to die, and for wanting to live. Barack Hussein Obama and Michelle Obama have a nice voice. They would sound pleasing in delegations meetings abroad. Taking a “selfie” is disobedient, because it engages with devices. I love the smell of New Hampshire in all the seasons.

Real
Airbrushed -fake
Trying

I intend to train and not be hospitalized. Corrupt governments lost to the outlaws. There are no problems with that. This is happiness and contentment. The breath, entra y sale sin compromiso.

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