Retrievers

My brother and I were given a black lab puppy as kids. My mom’s boyfriend pulled it out from under his plaid wool coat and presented it to Zach and me, without asking my mom’s permission. Lucia, we called her, and the Earle girls and us made up a special song for her to sing while we rubbed her belly, “bread and biscuits, bread and biscuits, help us find our bread and biscuits…” Something like that. I was allowed to keep one of Lucia’s babies from her second litter who I named Tipsanna, Tipsy for short.

I felt safe at home, until one strange night, though I feel safe still. The dogs were dubbed somehow to terrorize me. They came at me when I was home alone, and their eyes, which had always been so innocent and loving, were intense as if they would eradicate all the goodness in my soul and replace it with fear. That was the first time I remember experiencing artificial interference from outside. Before that, all my mistakes were my own, stupid mistakes a child or a young person could make and learns from, not to be defined by. Other embarrassing things happened, which caused people around me to cough, as if vomiting, every time I confessed to myself. It’s not working. I become transparent to him not to you. You owe me money still.

I should be sleeping now, getting some beauty rest, but there will be plenty of time for that later. Dishes remain to be done still, and then rest, sleep, rest, sleep, rest, sleep. How inebriating being young, the elders shaking their heads, having been through this before, expanding and contracting, having insights and returning to strategy again, rhythm, routine, boredom, withdrawal, being welcome, peace. I want to get away from publicity, away from electronics, and live like a peasant with everything in walking distance, but Honesty is only worthwhile with a community to uphold standards in. Being initiated is valuable only when it arises out of gratitude, not out of guilt.

I know it seems redundant to write about cyber harassment again and again, and it probably sounds completely ludicrous and paranoid to many people. At what point do we trust our senses over peer pressure? I am old enough to not care too much about appearing weird. Indigenous people, poor people, conscientious objectors to consumerism have been targeted in the past. While I celebrate the peace in the world that exists now, I am not afraid to speak up about the abuse that has happened using both frequency, affronts from personal devices and via outer space, and substances, the heroine epidemic and subsidized food for example. Albeit, there was goodwill for the future behind these attacks, but it is wiser and safer for humans to just sit on the banks watching life pass, like stream flowing around the cat tails and nurturing them, and learning from it. Human volition should not pretend to manage the whole cycle of the stream, identifying a problem, fixing it and moving on as if nothing happened. Humans playing god causes floods, which need to be dried out, lost belongings retrieved. Distributing land to people who will farm, ensuring rights to resources, like water, air and seeds, and making the hit lists public, of companies and individuals who used information and other modern weapons to wound and kills others, would be a good way to extinguish the anger that causes pollution and over-population. Here is an article about China’s President Mr. Xi Jinping obliging wealthy corporations to give money to poor Chinese citizens, though giving land is best.

Initiation is a fancy word, but it is real. We are initiated by good fortune as well as pain, by people who love us and by creation itself. The result is seeing things clearly, and the seer’s heart abides in awe, everything being a miracle, bearing the responsibility of modeling simplicity.

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