Borderline Personality Disorder

Everyone is beautiful, as long as they know how beautiful they are. The purpose of life is not to love well, but not to cause harm. Loving is too lose, causes too much heartbreak, leads to too much learning, too much change. What is there to change here? The body is aging. The atmosphere will burst. How in control is the dust blowing through outer space? There are two modes, choosing and waiting, hoping and worrying. I hope.

Being inspired like this is not genetic. Borderline Personality Disorder is caused by trauma, not biology. Bipolar Disorder on the other hand, depends on being a true shaman, but Borderline Personality Disorder, a disease that leads to perfection of the self, is inherent in everybody who has quit enough, been taken for granted enough. Being lazy, ignorant and needy are pre-requisites for the wonderful condition of BPD, and fortunately these traits come quite easily to most people. The self-loathing that accompanies these kinds of attitudes sows the karma of becoming an insatiably demanding individual. Insatiably demanding as God.

Nature is easy to please, because she is a dung heap. God on the other hand is picky, polite, benevolent, but picky. He doesn’t like what his sons do. He doesn’t allow his daughters much leeway. He is observant, with spies everywhere, and he is the judge who leads anyone who is enlightened to humility and absolute peace. The desire to please, to be loved and reassured of someone suffering from BPD is akin to having faith in God, and the “favorite person” who is elected to carry the tiresome burden of the patient’s angst will either have to become a saint to tolerate such burdensome need or dismiss over and over again the pathetic attempts one might make at taking finding safety.

People with Borderline Personality Disorder are often accused of being aggressive and inconsiderate of others. That is because they are only focused on one person. The thing is, that is how everyone should be. BPD is simply more honest about it, broken down by failing so many times and being mistreated, they cave in to the temptation most other people deny, obsessively adoring, surrendering, being willing to understand. This is not to justify the lashing out and addiction which often accompanies the BPD illness. Of course each person is responsible for how they behave, but consider that when someone lashes out, it may be equally due to the other person being out of line, nosy, judgemental, arrogant or condescending, which is asking for trouble. People who are traumatized statistically attract more abuse into their sphere, and those who have it easy should either mind their own business or become allies so that someone truly humble and devoted is encouraged to be themselves.

It’s a bad habit to try things. We could die at any moment. The passion of being fully moved can feel desperate. Isn’t that ok? Even trust in God does not offer any guarantee. Even lovers gazing into each other’s eyes trying to conceive a child on their honeymoon does not bring rest to the heart unless the mind gives up trying and falls apart like someone truly mentally impaired. Are you afraid? Are you afraid for me? Haven’t I shown you my home amidst the ashes?

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